Lest We Forget

I turned on Local News 8 to check the weather so I knew what to dress Macady in. She was 18 months old, sleeping in her crib as I watched the second plane hit the WTC tower. I sat at the side of my bed with Pard at my feet and stared in stunned disbelief. It wasn’t possible. The news anchors were silent and I hurriedly scrambled for the remote to change the channel. All the channels were loaded with images of burning towers, screaming people, black smoke and streaming terror across the screen. My phone rang and I jumped out of my skin. My friend Mariah, herself with a baby girl just six weeks younger than mine, crying frantically and asking me, “Are you just holding your baby right now???” No, I thought to myself, she can’t wake up right now. I didn’t want her to wake up to this. I didn’t realize I was crying until I hung up the phone and tears dripped from my face. I sat, disbelieving the images that are forever burned into the American psyche. I spent the rest of the day at my mum’s house, TV on, babe in arms. I don’t think I put her down all day.

To this day, my stomach still lurches when I see the video footage. Tears fall unbidden when I hear the screams of New York. I choke when I see those poor souls hanging from the buildings, screaming for help that couldn’t come and jumping as their final resort. I keep September 11, 2001 in my thoughts and prayers. I pray for this country and for those lost to a war that seems never-ending. For the families who lost, who continue to lose. For soldiers who came home draped in a flag, and those who came home, but who aren’t really here. For those in charge of this country, that one day, the right decisions will be made. I pray for those children who are growing up with one or two fewer parents. For the search and rescue dogs that have, all but one remaining, died from cancer – inhaling the smoke and debris from the carnage as they worked through the months following. For those who went in to save lives and in turn, gave their own. For every person involved and affected by the attacks, they are never far from my thoughts.

I stand silent, hand over heart as the Flag is displayed, and cry shamelessly every time I hear our National Anthem. I want to thank every soldier and vet I’ve ever met, and those I haven’t. Except that pride and gratefulness aren’t enough and I don’t think they ever will be. So I simply promise that I will never forget. May God Bless America.

So long Summer...

Where, oh where did summer go? It was only here five minutes, it seems. July rushed by, August was over before it began and we are now spiraling headlong into the second week of September. The nights are drawing in faster and the loss of daylight makes my heart sad :( BUT! Never fear, we made the best of it while we could. Obviously so busy, I didn't blog at all due to the massive amounts of sunshine I soaked in For a quick update, mostly so I don't forget.....Macady spent all summer at Kammi's house, riding horses, babysitting, playing in the sandpile and the swingset, with Dash and in the irrigation water. We rode lots, BBQ'd like crazy, worked in the garden a whole bunch, spent a night out on the tramp (I totally wussed out and went in at 3am), had lots of campfires and roasted too many marshmallows to count, spent a weekend at the cabin with our dearest friends from church which was the.most.amazing weekend, lost and found our two broody hens who made a nest in the rushes by the coop and disappeared for weeks until we found them, had an amazing Independence Day with the guys from our ward that was EPIC!, popped popcorn, watched movies, went the drive-in, weeded the MIL's flowerbed and added some beautiful plants and flowers for her, made fruit pizza and mango salsa and enjoyed every delicious bite, slept in on lazy mornings, ate fresh peas in a pod until our bellies ached, had a flood in the basement 4 days before my mum was due to fly in,  had a huge garage sale and in every literal sense of the word "cleaned house," - 10 years worth of stuff and my mom was there to help, I broke the camera and have no more pictures, decided to open a new chapter in my life and began training as a doula, started Dash's training and he is a pill, but he's going to be amazing when he's all grown up (and I still miss Pard so much and it's hard to not compare them), got Paisley spayed, yippee! and Maggie and I have clicked this year, the last 5 rides have been uber amazing and I can't wait to see what's next with her......hmmm, what else? Macady (my baby!) started 6th grade this year, and I am still in denial about that......She still rides every day, and has recently fallen in love with a little chestnut called Peanut, who she promptly renamed Lil' Red. She has a barrel race final tomorrow night (she's sitting 2nd in points right now), shows at the fair on Saturday and neither of us can wait for the food and everything that the fair has to offer! That about sums it up. By the time September rolled around, I had enough strawberries to make a few pints of freezer jam, made 18 pints of beans and they are still growing like mad,  the zucchini, squash and tomatoes are coming on like crazy.....I seriously cannot wait to bottle the next batch of everything! I absolutely love Fall and Harvest Time.....I just don't like that winter is on its' heels. We have such long, cold winters and I shudder to think of the next 9 months. But, with every season comes a job to do, a craft to make, a book to read, a horse to ride. Here's to all our tomorrows!

3.4.TH.

Dear Three for Thurday, I missed you last week! So here goes:

Three confessions:

1.  Sometimes I want a baby so much I can hardly stand it. And other days aren't so bad.

2. I am insanely jealous of beautiful post-baby bodies and wish so much I could make mine look like that.

3.. I swear. a lot.

Three things I do to beat the heat:

1. Crack open a can of Dew

2. I'm always inside an a/c'd bldg.

3.. Sit sweating like a pig, wishing I was bikini ready

Three life lessons, super skills, or new tricks I have learned this past month:

1.  That we should never stand so close to the picture that we get paint on our nose.

2. How to bite my tongue and then say it anyway

3.. still thinking here.....

Three things that motivate me to be a better person:

1. Running into an acquaintance who is consistently abusive & neglectful to her child

2. A trip thry Walmart

3.. A trip to the Shelter

Three things I would do if I wasn’t “Mommy”, married, and burdened with cares:

1. Greece, Lanzarote and Germany

2. School, school and a Master's degree

3.. I wouldn't be living in Idaho, fo' shizzle

Three people I call first:

1. Scottie 2 Hottie

2. Kammi

3.. Macady

Three things I changed about my parenting after testing them out on my guinea pig child (first child):

1. This doesn't apply to me, I'm still learning

2. I'd never try spanking......I always think, would Christ do that to His child?

3.. And I'd enjoy all those rush-by-me years with a big grin on my face, camera at the ready

Three things that make me cry:

1.  I can cry at a car commercial.......i.e. movies, music videos, life stories, mere thoughts of those struggling....I'm basically a sopping mess

2. Looking at Dash and trying not to think of Pard

3.. Thinking of Pard

Three things I’m going to accomplish before the summer is over:

1. 2009 & 2010 taxes....ugh.

2. Grow an amazing garden and bottle/can what's grown from there!

3.. Sell Rex and try not to cry. too much.

Three pictures:

1. No pic yet, but I got a new washer and dryer. And they sing to me. Really.

2. 4th of July project for next year for Lil' Red & Shiner:

3.. And an afternoon that was spent watching my girl smile *this big*:

Chicken & Spinach Pasta

This poor blog is begging for a recipe post and since the boys (thanks Joe) are downstairs putting the new washer and dryer together (alas, my oldies crashed together - look for the freebies on CL tomorrow folks!), I'm sitting here thinking about what to cook for Sunday dinner. And since I take random pictures of food, I thought I'd add them here. So, gentle reader, if you've no idea what to prepare for Sunday supper, ditch the roast and create this beautiful thang!

You'll need these things to start with, which will yield a two or three layer dish, depending on if you use 2 or 3 cups of the following and depending on how many mouths are crying to be fed:

* 3-5 lg b/s chicken breasts - cooked and shredded (that's boneless/skinless, but it's cool to say *or call* bs on this site). I boil mine in water with a bullion cube thrown in for good measure, but you can cook them however you please.
* 3 cups cooked pasta - pick anything you like, but bowties are cute, mostaccioli works and penne is my fav.
* 2-3 c. baby spinach leaves, rinsed/drained
* 2-3 c. Mozzarella cheese, shredded

Sauce:
* A stick of butter - no margarine for this baby
* 3 T flour
* Chicken broth: 2 c. boiled water with 1-2 chicken bullion cubes dissolved into it
* 1 pint of whipping cream
* LOTS of grated Parmesan cheese

Is your calorie counter protesting yet? If so, chuck it in the bin and keep reading:

Preheat the oven to about 350F and grease a 13x9" baking dish. Or use a cute round one. Whatever makes your skirt fly up, as PW would say.

In a pan, melt the butter and stir in the flour to create a roux. Slowly stir in the broth and stir until well blended. When that's smooth, add in the *entire* pint of whipping cream. And smile happily. And when that's all mixed together, stir in as much P cheese as you please. Voila! You have homemade Alfredo sauce. Let's commence to the heart of it, shall we?

This is where you decide how many layers you want. I've made two layers, and I've made three. And I've eaten most of it myself......so you can decide. They're your lips and hips, right?

In your greased, whatever-you-picked dish, pour a little sauce over the bottom. Then you'll start your layers
1 c. pasta
1 c. spinach
1 c. chicken
1/2 c. (or there about) Mozzarella cheese.
This picture looks too healthy for me:

Spoon some Alfredo sauce over these layers and sprinkle with Parmesan cheese. Repeat. Repeat again.

Then finish with Mozz cheese on top....which will, upon baking for about 25 mins, turn golden-brown and delish and look like this: 

You can't help but practically die with happiness. Happy Sunday everyone!

Three for Thursday

Three types of weather experienced in my area this week and what I did on those days:
1. Fri afternoon: I stopped to see a dear friend and our children played and played as we sat in the SUNSHINE! and talked about everything under the sun until dusk. Many needs were filled this day.
2. Tues: The SUN was shining again! So I worked in the garden, planted s'more and worked on muh tan. Well, the backs of my calves burned, if that counts.
3. Wed night: After planting the last of the squash/pumpkins/zook plants, a massive hail storm passed over so we ran inside and videotaped it.

Three home decor items that I own and treasure:
1. Scott's stepdad made this mirror for us about 8 yrs ago. Tonight, I cut out and applied the quote "God dwells in us, As us" from Eat, Pray, Love. It is one of my most favorite quotes in the world:

2. After having crappy couches for the last 12 years, we were blessed with these. If you've never suffered the embarrassment of having company sit on old used couches, or worse, no guest seating at all....you wouldn't understand. If you have had that ever-so-humbling experience, then you get it. These may not mean much to the rest of the world, but they are heavenly to me.....a chance for our whole family to sit, snuggle and enjoy a movie. Or conversation. Or whatever. Together.

3. And this beautiful piece squeezed into the tiniest of rooms :) The mattress set was a gift from my mum after Macady was born, a place where I nursed and rested and snuggled my newborn. (And many countless more nights that would occur over the next 11 years). The log frame and furniture - our wedding gift, again from my mother. Draped by a buffalo hide (courtesy of Scott) since 2005, regulatory tan & red flannel sheets (now put away) and an open window with a cool breeze...I treasure this place.

Three favorite holidays:
1. Christmas
2. The Fourth of July
3. Macady's birthday


Three accomplishments from the high school years:
1. I was homeschooled...does that even count?
2. We moved to Idaho during my Jr. year, and it was here that I found my place in the world.
3. I found Scott three months later...'nuff said.

Three phobias:
1. Galeophobia
2. Dental phobia - Not even IV sedation works well. Needless to say, combining numbers 1&2 means Finding Nemo was not a good movie for me.
3. Claustrophobia

Three favorite breakfast foods:
1. Crepes
2. Feta & spinach omelette
3. A proper English breakfast

Three random habits (good or bad, silly or sad):
1. I constantly spot poor grammar in public and I have this *huge* urge to put White-Out and/or a permanent marker to good use!
2. When driving, my mouth has road rage :(
3. I always forget whether or not I turned the hot iron off after I've left the house. So I go back and check.

Three favorite scents:
1. Fresh cut alfalfa fields♥
2. My horses...they all smell different. Wanna keep reading?
3. Dune by Christian Dior and Chanel No. 5 (From Europe, not some knockoff)

Three bits of advice for newlyweds:
1. You're a team. There is no *I* in team. However, there is an *ME* :)
2. Don't have a baby right off....get to know each other. Otherwise, it's gonna be a long ride.
3. Communicate. All.the.time.

Three pictures:
1. My beautiful Friday afternoon was spent snuggling this:

2. This is what happens when you accidentally leave the screen door open for three minutes. Yep, that would be Jetta hanging out on Macady's dresser:

3. Rescued on Monday from the Idaho Falls Animal Shelter, his story will be posted later. His name is Dash, and I call him MINE♥

Three for Thursday - On Saturday

I'm late and have great excuses why.

Three things I accomplished this week:
1. Planted the entire garden, sans onions and got the yard bea-u-ti-fied!
2. Hosted a cousin I've never met before and found he was Pretty Much Amazing.
3. We got the house projects finished this week and got a couch and loveseat. You have no idea what it's like to have a dirty old couch replaced with something wonderful!

Three things I want to do this summer:
1. Take Macady through the National Parks
2. Go swimming, not just watch.
3. Get a tan

Three colors used at my wedding:
1. Periwinkle blue
2. Lavender
3. Of course I used white too.

Three things I find repulsive:
1. The inside of a microwave when it's smelly and filthy
2. Hobo spiders, alive *and* dead
3. Dog poo

Three things I like most about my body:
1. My hair, because it pretty much behaves when it's told
2. My feet, because they are flip-flop worthy and they love my boots
3. My hands, because they look identical to my mum's and because they comfort, create and have opposable thumbs.

Three chores I make my husband do:
1. He has to mow the grass, because I can't run the ride-on tractor thing
2. Using his sheer height, he gets to reach up and get things for me, but that's not a chore...
3. I don't really make him to chores, we're just a team.

Three recipes:
1. I use this one all.the.time.: http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2008/06/crash-hot-potatoes/
2. Easiest Cheesiest Dish - I'll post the recipe later, because no link exists to add here.
3. Soul Food: Take one amazing albeit difficult week, add in more than a full cup of treasured sisterhood, five ounces of laughing children and a pinch of adorable baby and you have the perfect recipe to nourish your heart and soul.

Three favorite flavors of ice cream: (Not a big ice-cream fan)
1. Mint Chocolate chip. Not the oreo/cookie kind, but with real mint bits.
2. Huckleberries & Cream from the Rainey Creek store
3. Cheesecake from Orange Leaf

Three animals I'd like to have (maybe not all at the same time):
1. A Nigerian Dwarf or a Toggenburg goat
2. I'd rescue more cats and dogs.
3. Definitely another horse and a rabbit and an African Grey parrot

Three pictures:
1. A planted garden. The strawberry patch is enormous, green and beautiful and I got the maters for $2 bucks apiece at CAL Ranch...great deal!

2. We took Tom to Jackson Hole and enjoyed a carriage ride. We paid extra to kiss the horse, and that was the best part of the day.

3. And we hit the zoo, where I promptly struck a Rawlins pose.

Discovery

As we laid Pard to rest under the lilac tree in January, I was filled with a heartache that is still, even five months later, indescribable to me. With all the tenderness in the world, Scott dug the hole, crawled into it and laid Pard's body in the ground. Facing West in true cowdog tradition, I had written in the Pard Letters. I watched that part, and turned away before the backhoe could move the earth to cover him over. That is one thing I could not witness, and for that, I asked Pard to forgive my aching soul. Tears still quickly slip from my eyes as I write this, as they have done many, many times since that day. I still tell P goodnight, I still touch his collar left on my beside cabinet. I miss him every day. But since his passing, and through the healing process that is beginning, something magical (for lack of a better word) is happening in our home.

It started with the change in the energy of our home. A slight shift at first, then growing and changing. On Easter Sunday, Scott was confirmed an Elder. Which in our little world means he now holds the Melchizedek priesthood, which is something we have never had in either home since we were about 12 and 10, respectively. The beginning changes were small, but people in our ward were noticing. They came up quietly and told me they could see the light in his face, the change in his countenance. They saw how happy I was, how happy we were, and told us what they saw. Inside our home, spiritually, things ar changing for us in amazing ways, but it is subtle, still and gentle.

Outside our home, things are changing as well. Next to the darker lilac tree, the lighter-colored lilac bush in our backyard has never bloomed more than maybe three blossoms at best in the nine years we have lived in our home. This year it has fully blossomed. It is beautiful and the whole landscape is breathtaking to us. I take so much joy in listening to the birds singing, the owl hooting, the chickens talking to each other. Scott brought in more dirt to extend the garden, and we planted it as a family the other day. Something small, but something we have never done together, in harmony and with laughter sprinkled in with the seeds that were laid in the ground. Perhaps it's just my view on things, but the grass almost sparkles, it's so bright and fresh. The flowers offer so much color and I can't wait to see what the rose tree will look like when she's fully in bloom. The tramp is just crying for a warm night, so we can sleep on it and the firepit waits for marshmallows and starburst candy. The whole thing just begs for friends and family, barbecues and night games and memories to be made.

The beauty of back garden takes away some of the pain I feel now, when I look at the bare spot where my beloved dog now lies. I think of his body, not in repose like I did before, but now nourishing the ground, filling our garden with a special magic that is spreading to the inside and outside of our little home. I am so grateful for the love and protection Pard showed our family when he was here, and am so thankful for the same, yet different, kind of love and protection that continues on afterward. His little body may be gone, but the strength of his spirit lives here.....from the living room where he spent so much time, to his resting place outside. Pard is here, and I am ever-thankful that my eyes and heart are open to see and feel this. As I sat down to write this, moved to do so quickly, which happens when I write, I realized upon finishing that it was five months ago today that we said goodbye for now. For this is how the Lord works, in His most mysterious ways. How lucky we are to realize this now....to learn such a lesson from loss, experience peace and witness the sheer joy of discovery.